WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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