the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
