i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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