I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
