she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
