i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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