No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
