I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
