On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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