I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
