worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
