Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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