Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
