Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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