I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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