Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
babies were throwing up all over the place
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
