do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
