We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
