if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
