I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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