Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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