How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
