Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
