Porn is love you can see.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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