i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
