Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My penis needs a shock collar
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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