Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
