I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
