Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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