i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
