i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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