Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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