White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
