i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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