I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize