Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
