My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
