I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
