The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
