His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
