Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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