I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
