May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
