She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
