i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
