Umm I'm too high to move.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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