I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
