ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
