It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
