Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
