if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
