It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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