You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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