she woke up with a sticky ear
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
