im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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