I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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