his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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