I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said her name was "party"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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