HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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