I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
