Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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